When I first met Sarah at the clinic, she was a 10-year-old girl who spoke softly, wouldn’t make eye contact and she was clinging to her mum. Sarah’s mum described her as “painfully shy” and lacking confidence. She was having trouble going to school and making friends.
Significant shyness or “social anxiety” is very common, affecting around 5-10% of young people. Ongoing problems with shyness can lead to difficulties with self-esteem, as well as academic and interpersonal problems. Most children experience shyness in certain circumstance, however, if it is causing ongoing problems, they may need extra help.
Fortunately, there is a simple and effective treatment for shyness: exposure therapy or “facing your fears.” Parents can help their shy child to face their social fears: they can encourage them to face challenging social interactions. Parents are vital because they really want to help and they are always available. Yet parents can struggle conducting exposure therapy and some children are reluctant.
There are skills parents can use to help their child to face their fears. For example, parents should initially encourage their child to take small steps like making eye contact or smiling and support their child if they are distressed. Some shy children respond rapidly to exposure therapy.
If you have a shy child, keep encouraging them to engage in social activities and don’t hold them back: facing their social fears is the main thing that will help. If your child is experiencing ongoing problems, seeing a psychologist who specialises in treating anxiety is the next step. They will conduct an assessment to try and work out what the main problems are and the best solution.
These treatments can be brief and they are effective. Tackling shyness early in a child’s life is ideal, before it causes significant problems and becomes a pattern.
Over a month, Sarah’s mum encouraged her to talk to people in shopping centres, look people in the eye and speak confidently. Once Sarah could do this, she practiced talking to teachers and other kids at school, which was more challenging but she could achieve.
As Sarah faced her fears, she started to “come out of her shell,” she was more confident and started to make friends.
By facing her fears, Sarah learnt skills to manage her shyness that she would take with her. Her parents also learnt how to support Sarah and help her along the way.
Help for Children Like Sarah
A free treatment study at the University of Queensland Psychology Clinic is teaching parents to help their shy child to face their fears. The process involves the parent and child attending two free treatment sessions, during which the parent is coached in conducting exposure therapy. The child will also be encouraged to practice interacting with other people and face their social fears. Parents will complete evaluations of their child’s anxiety as part of a self-reporting process.
For more information on the treatment study, please reach to simon.byrne@uq.edu.au
